Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Daxana Joy, 14 1/2 months

For my Daxana Joy

When she smiles at me each morning from her crib, with the biggest grin I've ever seen in my life, and an actual twinkle in her eye, there is Joy.

When she eagerly awaits for me to lift her out because she only knows endless possibilities for her day, and she may "starve" if she doesn't learn something new right away, there is Joy.

When she talks to me so emphatically, like she knows for a fact that she is sharing with me all of the secrets of the universe (and maybe she is), of life, of love, of legos, there is Joy.

When she waddles down the hall to her room, grabs the biggest book she can find, and toddles back to me, never giving up no matter how many times she drops it, so I will read it to her, there is Joy.

When she plays peek-a-boo behind the foot stool and giggles hysterically because she thinks we can't see her......when she makes us laugh so hard that we cry, there is Joy.

When she points to the squirrels in the yard and shouts with glee, "Puppy!".......

When she finds something that interests her and says with wide-eyed wonder, "ooooooohhhhhh".........

When she dances to Black Eyed Peas..........

When she signs the word "fish" by wiggling her body..........

When she asks for more food and my heart swells with thankfulness that we have enough to feed her as much as she'll ever need.........

When I look into her eyes and study her face, her mannerisms, her soul, and see generations within her..........

When I hear her squeal, "Daddy!" when Kurt gets home, as if she just won the baby equivalent of the lottery.........

there is overflowing Joy.

Thank you, Miss Daxy, for all that you bring to our lives.


Saturday, February 20, 2010

Horrible Awful Very Bad Day ends with Horny Awesome Sassy Bad Gays

OK, who doesn't want to read this with a title like that? ;-)

Life is not all bad, but sometimes you just need to vent so you can move beyond the bad days.

1.) Witnessed a traffic accident as a guy ran a red light and nearly hit us, but hit the car next to us instead. It brought up a lot of stuff from when we were hit in '08, stuff I'm still being treated for weekly, a year and a half later.

2.) Cortisone shot in my foot for podiatric problems I've had for a long time. Likely surgery. This isn't desired by any of us, as I don't do well under general anesthesia. Doc wants to give me narcotics for the pain. I tell him narcotics make me vomit and hallucinate & that Garfield and the Tin Man wind up chasing after me. True story.

Doc then says, "well, what did you take for the pain of childbirth?" I tell him nothing. Herbal tinctures to help me sleep. Maybe some Tylenol. Lots of heat and ice on me baby-makin' bits. I think he's either impressed or thinks I'm an idiot. We decide on a coctail of Aleve, Ibuprofen, and Fudge.

3.) Kurt pushing my wheelchair *&* Dax's stroller at the same time at the mall (couldn't roll my wheelchair b/c i also threw my shoulder out on top of everything else, trying to practice half-court shots on the small chance I win the lottery of people who get to shoot a half-court shot during a Blazer game to win a truck. Stupid Girl. Shut up! A girl can dream!) only to find the store we needed decided to close early (& we drove into PDX from Hillsboro and Kurt had to miss work for this, which is a stress all its own) & to top it off, the elevators at the mall were busted so we had to have security guards guide us thru a maze of service elevators (thank goodness there wasn't a fire or emergency at the mall). A 2 hr. errand turned into an all-day fiasco. And a bunch of parentheticals in my first-ever blog.

Makes you realize what people in wheelchairs go through, if only for a little while. I couldn't reach anything high on shelves at the store. Felt quite helpless and small. Couldn't fit through the aisles. I wouldn't have been able to reach the changing table in the bathroom to change D-Joy. I don't know what I would have done without Kurt there.

I shouldn't be lifting Dax, but I am. I shouldn't be walking on my foot, but what choice do i have, with a toddler running around? Just when I long for nothing more than to walk in the sun, relieve my winter Blues with a capital "B", get some exercise, this crap has to happen. Recovery from surgery is 12 wks. I don't know what i'm going to do. Our house still hasn't been unpacked from last year's flooding. We will have to prolong trying to get pregnant again (and we ain't gettin' any younger. With our fertiIity issues, time is the most valuable resource we have).

I may have to request a dinner train from people or pay someone to come and help Kurt take care of both me and the baby. I just don't know. In conclusion:

THANK GOODNESS FOR THE WILL & GRACE DVDS ON SALE AT TARGET TONIGHT!

(you wondered when I was finally going to get to the gay part of my day).

Laughter is the best medicine for me right now :-) If you know a good joke.....

Thanks to those who actually read the whole thing.

My mantra for now: Tomorrow is a new day.

L.L.